Monday, June 02, 2008


If novels were more like mmorpgs -

- The publisher and author wouldn't expect you to finish the book.
- Most of the action, cool imagery, and editing would be concentrated in the first five chapters, where more people could see it.
- The first chapter would be a tutorial on how to read the book. Every time.
- Special attention would be paid in the first appearance of the question mark and the exclamation point.
- The colon makes its appearance in Chapter Seven: There is no particular mention of it.
- It will be assumed that everyone will know the ending, thanks to spoilers on the internet.
- Most people aren't really reading the book for the story, so don't throw in anything that gets in the way of the words appearing on the page.
- The last three chapters are considered "high end content" and expected to be read only in groups, like book clubs.
- If you finish the book, the author sends you a cookie.
- Your advanced reading copy would be more like a beta weekend. If you didn't like something, it would be gone from the final book.
- Three weeks after purchase, ninjas break into your home and replace the book with a version with all the typos corrected.
- Three months after purchase, ninjas break into your home and replace the book with a version where the protagonist is less powerful. You find out about this from people on the net complaining about the hero being nerfed.
- Three years after purchase, if not enough people are reading the book, ninjas break into your home and remove all copies.
- Your credit card reflects an ongoing charge for owning the book, whether you are reading it or not.

2:07 PM